Dear Steve and Shirley I'm having an EXTREMELY hard time moving past my daughter's father.  When I met him he was unemployed, no car and living with his mother.  I was trying to get on my feet as well so I didn't judge him plus I fell HARD for him.  The issue came over the next two years when I began making moves (got a stable job, moved into my own place) and he was still in the same sit as when I met him.  I would encourage him to apply for jobs and or go to school but nothing was successful.  I eventually got tired of it and became distant to him.  He was really wanted to be with me but at that point I had given up on him but I still loved him and was still being intimate with him.  I became pregnant but had it set in my mind that I would be a single mother since he wasn't reliable.  He wanted us to be a family so he got a job and not even a week after moving in together he lost his job.  I was very disappointed in him because I would come home from work to find him just getting up for the day and playing video games instead of looking for work.  I couldn't take it and told him I wanted him to leave so he went back to his moms.  After I had the baby he tried to come back but I was so disgusted with him that he ended up back at his moms again.  I lost my job right after I had my baby and was surviving on unemployment and welfare.  Since I was on welfare I was forced to put him on child support otherwise I would of lost my assistance which I could not afford to do. He despised me for that and refused to pay so now he has warrants for his arrest.  Fast forward to the present and our daughter is three and he does not help me with her at all or pay his child support.  He is still unemployed, no car and living with his mom.  He now has a new woman and instead of feeling like hes her problem I'm jealous.  He always has her car and only comes over to see me for "special" visits.  He says that she has his back 100 percent and that he loves her.  It tears me apart to know he is with her and loves her and has feelings for her the way he did me.  I started feeling guilty about making him leave and blaming myself for him being with this new woman although I had legitimate reasons.  It has affected me to the point where I have lost 60 pounds, have deep depression/anxiety and lost friendships over him.  I have been to professional counseling as well as spoken to pastors.  My jealousy of him being with this new woman has consumed my life to the point where I don't have one of my own. I know just reading this letter sounds crazy but I can't let go of him but feel so stupid for wasting my life over someone who won't even support his child.  I know the answer is obvious but it's still hard for me.  I have always suffered from low self esteem and confidence so I know that plays a huge role in still holding on.   What should I do to move past this man who has moved on from me?

Dear Steve I have been dating this girl for seven years. I thought that she could be the one and I could really make some serious moves with her. A few months ago she left her phone inside of my car. Me being the Peron that I am I looked through it and I found her texting a guy back and forward about how he missed her and she said she missed him m too. Steve by this time I was furious but at the same time heartbroken. I kept reading and  I knew it was her time a month so later in the conversation she texted him back saying that he picked the wrong time to come in town because it was her time of month and it got worse. When I told her that I had her phone she came and picked it up from me. I asked her about the text and she lied saying that her friend used her phone to text this guy back and forth. I kept asking her and she finally told me that it was someone she used to have sex with years ago but it is nothing now. She says she just texts him for entertainment reasons and she poured her heart out telling me it was the truth. We are trying to work things out Steve but I really do not trust her anymore I feel she should at least tell me the truth I deserve that because I know what I read but my heart makes me blind to it. My curiosity made me use an app on my phone to describe/hide or change my number when I text so I called her and texted her with this bogus number and she did not know who it was and then I acted like I was the other guy. Steve the guys real name and the name nickname that she called him is bigcousin1336@aol.coml. So I called and confronted her about that and once again she lied and called her cousin to lie for her too. Steve what should I do man to man and I love your show

Hello Shirley, Steve and crew. I don't even know where to begin. Well, first off, I was married to this guy for five years and we divorced a year ago, we'll I divorced him. Since then he has been telling me I want my family back and I miss you, I miss my wife. For the longest I wasn't even talking to him on the phone and just recently I decided that the dating thing wasn't going right which I know I probably didn't give it much time but I decided to give it another try. He has told me he changed and went to counseling etc., but I don't see where he has changed. He cheated when we were married and I just couldn't get over it. One of the main reasons for me divorcing him. To make a long story short I asked him to see his phone. He gave it to me and in it I saw a conversation with a female that I would say was a little much. Well, I called her and she said nothing was going on and that he told her he was still in love with me but something still doesn't feel right. This was probably a month or two ago but now I'm feeling, I guess you can say, insecure again. I asked to see the phone the other day and he said no, which made me mad and we haven't spoken since. The other night I had a dream about a dark figure in the form of smoke and Googled it and it said that, that's where I was in a troubled relationship and if I wasn't careful I would be harmed some type of way. I just don't know how to deal. I am a single mother of three and I want to always be around for my children. I must say I still do love him but I also love him enough to let it go if it's going to be poisonous for me! Please guys just help and give me a little advice from a man's perspective. Signed, lost and confused

Dear Shirley and the Crew, Good morning, I am stuck between a concrete and brick wall. A couple months ago I met this wonderful girl (concrete wall); she actually decided to talk to me before I wanted to talk to her. We've been together since December and our relationship has been on the edge for a while now. Recently, she started talking to this other guy because she said the only time I have for her is during the night time to talk on the phone, which is true. I don't understand why we must talk on the phone 24/7. I truly don't believe that's a good enough reason to talk to someone especially when she knows everything I do is successful. She knew before we started dating I was one of the youngest successful African-American men in my area. All she does is complain that I only see her twice a week, every other week and once every week, so she sees me a lot and it's not just for an hour. She is also ashamed to go places with me because she's used to dating drug dealers and she's scared her friends would judge her. I honestly don't know what to do? That's not even the half; I have a friend (Brick Wall) who I have been friends with for years who's my ex. Well, she tells me to move out and the thing is I think I am falling in love with her more than my girlfriend. She is proud of me and she actually appreciates my success. She tells me everything that a man should hear. She and I have been through the works, but I still go to her for everything. I don't know where or who I should be with. Shirley, Steve and the Crew, HELP! The walls are closing in.

Dear Steve,

I am a 30-year-old woman and I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend who is 35 for almost five years. Overall, it is has been good. We get along pretty well for the most part. We met in one city and after some time I had moved away for my job. For a while we were long distance and he did not want to move to where I was since I was planning on moving back as soon as I was able. After some time, he broke down and decided to move to be with me. I normally am not the type to "shack up" with someone. But since the circumstances were so unique, I decided to go ahead with it and just deal. After all, we were very serious and talking about getting married anyway. Things were great for a while and then things started to turn. I guess you could say we hit the relationship doldrums where you get bored with one another but you don't necessarily want to leave. But all relationships have their highs and lows so I wasn't too worried. I would feel him emotionally pulling away from me but there was not much I could do. He spends a lot of his time on social media sites "talking" to "friends". Several times I have looked at these chats and text messages in his phone and found things that were completely inappropriate from a few different women. I was understandably angry and, of course, we fought about what was found. However, I decided to forgive him and we moved forward. In the last month I was contacted by my ex (who is married) and to make a long story short we had a trip down memory lane and had speculative conversation about being together. I knew that none of it would happen but it was nice to have someone to talk to since I felt alone in my current situation. Well, eventually he found the texts between myself and my ex. There was a huge blowup. I admitted to my wrong doing and had pointed out that I forgave him when the shoe was on the other foot. Things moved forward but didn't really seem to get better. He was still distant and spending all his time on the computer so I decided to do the same. Since I am new to where I am and don't know a lot of people I put myself on a social site to meet new people. He saw that profile and flipped out again even though I had not even started using it. He was angry at me even putting it up even though I was very clear that all I was looking for is friendship. I am angry at the double standard that he puts out. Why does he get to talk to people and flirt with people any time he wants but when I just look around on a site and not even talk to anyone it's a big, huge problem. Bottom line is that the trust has been broken in our relationship for a while. Ever since I found those first messages months ago. I don't trust him and he doesn't trust me. Steve, I have fought so hard for this relationship over the years and poured a lot into it. I thought this was the man that I was going to spend the rest of my life with but events as of late have me thinking differently. What should I do? Should I try and repair what has been broken or should I just count my losses, put this up to experience and move on? Please help.